“Grey’s Anatomy” review, S21 premiere: “If Walls Could Talk”

Grey’s Anatomy

If walls could talk

Season 21

Episode 1

Editor’s Rating

4 stars

****

Photo: Anne Marie Fox/Disney

What the hell happened to Catherine Fox? Yes, she’s always been a manipulator, but remember when she was a manipulator with game-changing energy like a hot surgeon and a libido to match? Now she’s a money-grabbing Scrooge-style villain whose gratuitous corporate cheapness feels like a scandal few too close to home in these times of layoffs. Not only has she laid off half of her staff, but during this week’s Season 21 premiere she decides to do the unthinkable and call Miranda Bailey – The Miranda Bailey – interchangeable. There was once a woman with vision and va-va-voom; Now she is one of the people who admits that she only maintained her (excellent) internship course to save government funds. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Where is George “Union Guy” O’Malley when we need him? Can we resurrect his spirit to kick Catherine’s cheap ass around Gray Sloan until she sees the light?

We start this week with Bailey dreaming about punching Catherine in the face (great job if you can do that). As if waking up from this beautiful dream wasn’t hard enough, our surgeons are also caught in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way to work, thanks to some pesky climate protesters who closed the bridge. Of course, one of these protesters – a grandmother named Wanda – becomes our problem patient of the week when she decides to crawl to the ceiling to avoid arrest and then collapses. Sigh. As if that wasn’t enough drama, one of the protest’s bungee jumpers (Why Were there bungee jumpers again?!) decides to emulate Hilary Banks’ unfortunate fiancé Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and go squirt Thanks to a defective cable. Unlike that fiancé, however, this guy crashes into a windshield, so the panicked teen driver immediately rushes him to Gray Sloan for life-saving treatment – right after Webber tells Winston he’s thinking about it, the surgical gloves to finally give up this time. In case anyone needed confirmation Grays Is so backThen the windshield type is just right for you immediately afterwards Webber says, “I don’t deal with complex procedures.” Welp!

All of this honestly feels secondary to the interpersonal drama unfolding in every hallway of the hospital. Catherine buries Meredith and her research project in cease-and-desist letters, effectively destroying her funding. And if any of us thought that the return of Jackson might bring some sanity, think again. He may know his mother is being petty, but he’s here to have her back and ask Meredith to apologize. (I know Jackson has gone full-on into “heading the foundation” mode, but did anyone else find his sidekick routine a little disappointing?) Meanwhile, Adams is still considering the residency offer in Chicago, and Griffith is doing her best to do so not to intervene, even if she’s obviously dying inside at the thought. Mika and Jules spend the episode acting like them not He almost kissed during last season’s finale, and Kwan is devastated by seeing his ex-fiancée drive away from him after an argument, only to get into a car accident that destroyed her memory and turned him into one made strangers. And perhaps Link has experienced the strangest turn of events yet another Baby on the way from yet another Mother who hasn’t yet told him he’s going to be a father. This poor guy will always be the last to know.

As worthy as these fights may be, they all pale in comparison to this week’s emotional albatross: Bailey being replaced by the one, the only, absurdly annoying Sydney Heron. As if being labeled interchangeable wasn’t bad enough, Bailey’s nemesis has now returned from Florida to take her job and probably make it worse in the process. Do you have see How devastated did Bailey look when Heron chased her away after freeing Wanda from the hospital wall? How much more heartbreak can we expect? There’s nothing worse than being replaced by a person whose greatest claim to fame may have been going on a passionless date with McDreamy way back when. Thankfully, at the end of the episode, Bailey decides to fight for her job – and you know she means it because she takes off her earrings when she says it.

By the end of the episode, most of our favorite surgeons have found at least some catharsis. Adams shows up on Griffith’s doorstep and makes our dreams come true by saying he’s not taking the job and sealing the deal with a kiss. (Thank God.) Mika tries to shake Jules “just friends,” but Jules spins her around and snogs her at a locker. (First, !!!! – but wait, isn’t Midori Francis on his way out? Damn!) Kwan’s ex-fiancée recognizes him from her old photos and basically tells him that she thinks he’s the piece that’s been missing from her life since she put it back together, which almost made me want to crying into my Doritos and Link found out Jo was pregnant when she turned down a glass of wine and he’s totally cool with that. All’s well that ends well.

Except maybe Meredith, who turns to Catherine to apologize (well, “apologize”) for using foundation funds for unauthorized research, only to watch her collapse. Her only reward for saving her boss? Good old-fashioned blackmail: Catherine pries Meredith into secrecy about the return of her dark, secret spinal tumor and refuses the procedures Meredith recommends. She also vows that if Meredith tells Richard or Jackson about her tumor’s progression, she and her colleagues will never get their jobs back. At the end of the episode, Meredith confirms that everyone can have their job back – except her, it seems. While Amelia and others can return to work in Seattle and the cease-and-desist orders stop, Meredith says, “the investigations will simply go in a different direction.” Huh? I suspect we’ll get more clarity on this next week, but what the heck?

Grays There may have been another low point for a season or two, but since this new class of interns joined the team, it’s been pure magic again. Not MAGIC-Magic, but damn close. I just wish that some of these characters – Cough, like Catherine – felt a little less two-dimensional. As much as I love Meredith, even she could use a quick conversation with someone about how ridiculous it is to ignore black-and-white contracts and expect to get away with it just because you’re doing research for a good cause. Jackson, if you’re listening, this could be your time to shine.

• Is it just me or is the question, “When was the last time you actually entered an OR?” The most brutal insult you can make on this show? I swear, when Miranda threw that at Catherine in the dream, I gasped louder than when she slapped her.

• I love the interns at Bailey immediately I miss her screaming at them when Heron takes over. And what was this educational game about? Will knows what novel her residents have always wanted to write Really make them better doctors? I didn’t think that. (However, I firmly believe that the likelihood of Jules writing vampire novels is non-zero.)

• Which specialty do we think Schmitt will ultimately choose? Because it certainly won’t be children. There’s no way he’ll become an orthogod, right? At the moment it seems most likely that he will go the Meredith Gray route and stick with general surgery, but who knows! To expand on the Quidditch metaphor Link used on him this week, maybe Schmitt just needs a little more time to find that golden snitch of inspiration.