TAccusation: Yonke
Chioma eats the food I bought and cooked without asking. She needs to learn manners
Living in your parents’ house at 29 is not for the faint of heart. I am grateful for the opportunity to save money during the cost of living crisis, but that also comes with challenges. In my house, many of those challenges are related to food. Mine is with my mother and my sister Chioma, but since my mother is the one who provides a roof over my head, I will complain about my sister.
Everyone eats my food. I can’t keep anything in the fridge because I see it as free takeaway. When I order takeaway, the leftovers are gone in no time. I once put a whole roast chicken in there that I wanted to make salads with, but Mom put the whole thing in a stew.
We have some family meals together that Mom prepares for me and Chioma, and we all contribute to the family grocery shopping to get these foods.
Mom’s cooking is delicious but full of palm oil and quite high in carbohydrates (we are Nigerians). I am health conscious and like to prepare meals for the week just for myself. I like to cook turkey burgers in bulk and my own suya (beef strips) to take to work, with some salad, and to store the rest in the refrigerator.
Chioma always eats the food and then later says, “Oh, I didn’t know if it was yours or what mommy had prepared for everyone and I was hungry.” But that’s no excuse. Chioma doesn’t work as much as mommy and I and often comes home before us. She could just text and ask who the food is, but instead she just eats whatever she finds.
Last week we had an argument because I made macaroni and cheese and put it in a Tupperware container and Chioma ate it all in a day. I said, “You knew it was mine.” But she tried to play innocent. Chioma rarely cooks for everyone, which makes the whole thing even more annoying. She also wants me to label every little thing I cook, but I don’t have time for that. Chioma needs to behave herself a little and stop treating me like an unpaid personal chef.
The defense: Chioma
If Yonke doesn’t want to share her food, she should open her own shop
When Yonke cooks a dish, it’s just for her – even if she uses the ingredients we all paid for. That’s why her argument doesn’t make sense. In my opinion, she’s a bit selfish: we all live together at home, so we share the food.
Yonke seems to think we should all always have separate meals and groceries, but that’s just not how it works in a family that often eats together. Yes, I know some things are hers, like her yogurt, but the reality is we all contribute to our mom’s household bills so we can share the dishes. If Yonke doesn’t want to share her food, she should make a completely different purchase herself.
She should also label her own dishes and make it clear when something is just for her. She keeps her things in the same Tupperware that Mom uses and gets very upset when I accidentally eat her food.
If I come home starving and don’t know whose food is, who is to blame me? Mama often cooks Nigerian food for us and Yonke cooks it too, although she says she doesn’t cook it. It can be hard to tell the difference. She also said I don’t cook at all, but that’s not true. Sometimes I fill in for Mama in the kitchen and I certainly don’t share the things I cooked with others.
The three of us generally get along pretty well, but for some reason food is a touchy subject. As kids we sometimes struggled to afford groceries, and now we’re perhaps a little too picky when it comes to food.
Our mother doesn’t understand the concept of separate dishes, but Yonke is a bit of a hoarder. Maybe it’s because Yonke is older than me and remembers times when money was tight in his childhood, whereas I’m less fussy about food because I didn’t struggle as much.
I could definitely try to be more considerate of her dishes because I don’t want her to get upset, but I really think some labels would help.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Yonke be “less picky” about food?
Chioma shouldn’t eat Yonke’s food – and she should cook more for the family. Yonke, a quick solution would be to buy colored Tupperware so you don’t have to deal with labels. That way everyone would know at a glance which foods they are not allowed to touch.
Kitty, 32
Since the food in question is purchased by the family, it is not unreasonable for Chioma or her mother to share it. This is clearly a communication problem that needs to be resolved in a family conversation. If Yonke wants to cook and eat her own food, she needs to buy it herself and then label it accordingly.
Chris, 70
I would call another witness in this case, namely Mum! When three adults share a house, it takes a huge effort from everyone to make it work. Chioma’s last sentence admits that she has crossed a line by agreeing to be more considerate.
Peters, 71
Yonke should label her food if she doesn’t want to share it. Buy Tupperware and label the containers “Do Not Touch.” I hate it when people eat my food when I don’t offer it to them!
Belinda, 64
Yonke has no problem sharing the food she prepared according to the shared shopping list. It’s her food that she doesn’t like to share, and she shouldn’t have to label it every time she cooks. Just because Chioma has no problem sharing her food doesn’t mean others automatically should too.
Shamin, 36
Now you decide
Tell us in our online poll: Should Chioma Yonkes leave food alone?
The poll closes on 29 August at 10am BST
Last week’s results
We asked if Rob needed to consult his girlfriend Becky before cutting his hair.
9% of you said Rob was guilty
91% of you said Rob was innocent
