Since I learned French girlI called it the Zach Braff Biphobia Movie. So should I get stoned and watch the Zach Braff Biphobia Movie? The answer from my fellow editors was a resounding “yes.” So here I am, stoned and ready to apply the same critical lens I used before Saving the Gorillas: Ellen’s Next Adventure And A holiday that I make.
For those who haven’t seen it yet French girl/does not plan to see French girl, The basic idea is that Zach Braff plays a man named Gordon Kinski, a goofy 8th grade English teacher with a beautiful Québécois girlfriend, a professional chef. The girlfriend’s name is Sophie-Jeanne Tremblay and she is played by Evelyne Brochu, who in Orphan Black. Sophie gets the opportunity to audition for the position of head chef at a restaurant owned by celebrity chef Ruby Collins (Vanessa Hudgens), who happens to be (secretly) Sophie’s ex-girlfriend. Sophie goes to Quebec City to audition, and Gordon comes along to meet her family and cause mischief.
A few things:
1. We don’t know for sure if Zach Braff’s ex Florence Pugh is bisexual.
2. Zach Braff didn’t even write this. It was written and directed by a couple of guys named James A. Woods (no relation) and Nicolas Wright.
3. My dislike of Zach Braff as a concept because Garden State is unfair, because my first date with my first girlfriend was watching Garden State So, quality aside, I owe him… something.
4. It is wrong to speculate about the lives and characters of celebrities.
And one more thing:
1. Zach Braff stars in a Quebec romantic comedy about a guy who realizes his girlfriend is bisexual??????? I’m sorry, I just have to laugh.
Understood!
This is an Elevation Pictures production?? They had some really good films at TIFF this year. If you like my high-profile films, you’ll love my serious reviews.
Gordon makes his girlfriend a crappy breakfast on Mother’s Day like a toddler. Sir, order food if you can’t cook, don’t poison your beautiful girlfriend. AND she’s a professional cook! Why would you make your girlfriend a cook’s meal if you can’t cook??
This greengrocer is a hot commodity. I’ll keep in mind the characters I think Sophie-Jeanne Tremblay should work better with than Gordon Kinski:
1 – Fruit seller with the best heirloom tomatoes in town
Oh wow, Ruby Collins already showed up. (That’s Vanessa Hudgens.)
2 – Ruby Collins
“Is that Billie Eilish?”
“Billy Shakespeare!”
Why do adults write to teenagers like that?
Okay, I have a weakness for cheesy English teachers. Point for Gordon.
Supporting his career friend, another point for Gordon.
Does he know she’s bisexual, or is “finding out about Ruby” also part of it?
Do you love this world where the chef prepares for an audition by studying a textbook on the plane…?
He got a Quaalude from his dad? Are Quaaludes still made??? Too stoned on an airplane is a bit of an exaggeration, but I guess Quaaludes add a little pizzazz.
A bit of anti-disability sentiment on the part of her parents.
My girlfriend is Canadian, but not French-Canadian, so it was easier for me to get to know her family.
This kind of feels like a full-blown cuckold fantasy. I guess every fetish deserves its own romantic comedy.
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t date someone whose sibling is a cop (or at least trying to be a cop), if my partner doesn’t like that… warn me about it and keep a wide distance.
I like that Gordon is a little bit gay. Or at least that’s what they’re trying to achieve. I think this movie would be better with a gay lead. Sit back!
He just referred to the Obamas as POTUS and FLOTUS, so one point deducted for Gordon.
Why is the subplot about the son’s desire to become a police officer so dramatic? What is the tone of it…
“I don’t stand a chance” is a weird thing to say when your girlfriend asks you if you have a crush on someone. Even if you’re not monogamous! (And the vibe is that they are.) What does that even mean? What do you say to your girlfriend if you think so? For me my girlfriend is the hottest person ever and therefore I have a chance with anyone? At least that’s my opinion.
Suggesting to your girlfriend that she flirt with someone for a job because the potential employer is a lesbian is not cool!
Not that she makes HIM breakfast in bed on the morning of her first audition!
ORGASM QUEENS
Sorry, I just realized you’re reading my mind and not watching with me. Gordon found a Polaroid of the two women and it says “Orgasm Queens” in felt-tip pen. That’s how you find out your girlfriend is bi!
It would be easier to take notes during these scenes if my French were better.
3 – Chicago chef also applies for the job
Oh my god, Ruby yells at Sophie. Wow. Hot. But that’s probably a sign they’re not getting together in this movie. Even though I’m turned on.
Gordon says Sophie isn’t a lesbian, she’s just French. And then his dad tells him to propose to her before she switches sides again. Cooooool.
He’ll help the brother pass his English exam and then they’ll like him and everyone will realize Ruby is mean and choose Gordon over him. Boo.
I like Vanessa Hudgens being mean because it’s hot, but I don’t feel like the movie appreciates it.
Oh, now Ruby is apologizing.
I eat these incredible cookies they sell in Canadian drugstores. They’re like golden Oreos but better and they have jam in the middle??
“She looks like the future of humanity.” Along with the biphobia, there is also a bit of racism sprinkled in.
Evelyne Brochu is too hot for him to act like that because Vanessa Hudgens is so much hotter than both of them!
The fact that she shows up at her workplace – she doesn’t even work there! – is unforgivable. -10 points for Gordon
How can there be a scene in a women’s cage fight that has nothing to do with queer women?
Gordon isn’t exactly supporting Sophie!! But the movie also sets us up to be on his side. And the result is a movie where everyone kind of sucks?
4 – Redhead who got Sophie her first job as sous-chef
If you are a grade 8 teacher, why do you say you are an academic? Don’t be ashamed of something that isn’t worth being ashamed of, then people won’t be able to shame you.
OMG, no, don’t propose, dude
There is nothing better than corpse humor, Jesus
This is getting boring
What should I watch next?
Zach Braff simply has an extremely punchable face
A hunting scene. Sigh, I’m boooooored.
Okay, I snapped when he killed the swan
God, he is unbearable.
5 – blonde television producer
I feel like the other two chefs didn’t stand a chance in this audition.
This is terrible. Just an unforgivable drunken speech in front of her whole family. Harper from The most beautiful season looks like a perfect angel next to Gordon. There’s no world in which these two should end up together after this!
My jaw drops. He just accused her of trying to sleep her way to a Michelin star. But of course Ruby will do something and Sophie will say, oh my God, he was right and then they will get together like that’s all all the problem.
I just can’t believe this movie came out this year and not twenty years ago.
Now she’s being pilloried by her family because she wants this job??
“Women tilt have everything.” – Zach Braff (But actually James. A Woods and Nicolas Wright)
The restaurant is already open?? I guess I don’t understand what job she was planning on doing.
Gordon’s father is now encouraging him to make an EVEN bigger fool of himself… what.
The guy from mama I have to admit, I was taken aback when he wiped his hands with spicy mousse.
Ruby is predatory and persistent. It always shocks me when something is offensive in such an outdated way. Like, “Wow, are we really still doing this?”
And the big celebratory moment is that the brother passes his English exam and can become a cop. My God. Wow, and that other cop is the hero who leads the family to catch Gordon.
He doesn’t pull over?? That’s so stupid.
Zach Braff’s biphobia film is more like Zach Braff’s homophobia/copaganda film.
He ends up teaching English to Quebec cops?? And the brother is now a cop with a girlfriend who is also a cop and they brag about tasering someone? My God.
I can’t believe that heterosexuality wins AND state violence wins.
I’m so glad that Telefilm’s money is going there.
My girlfriend just came home and asked if the women at least kissed. I’ll say it clearly: No. Ruby leans in to kiss Sophie, Sophie pulls away, Ruby is creepy and insistent and then Sophie SLAPS HER IN THE FACE.
My moments of generosity disappeared so quickly. If anything, this movie convinced me that I should be meaner to Zach Braff. (And to James A. Woods and Nicolas Wright, whoever they are.)
French girl is now streaming on Prime in the US and Crave in Canada.
